Fifteen years ago last month, I was brought to America through the U.S. Refugee Resettlement Program after having lived in refugee camps in Ethiopia and Kenya for more than a decade. As I reflect on my experience, it is my hope that it will inspire others and help inform dialogue on forced migration so that refugees are perceived not just as victims, but models of resilience.

The 21-year civil war in Sudan, which ended in 2005, killed more than 2 million people and displaced at least 4 million. Among the displaced were over 20,000 unaccompanied children who were separated from their parents and forced to leave their villages for fear of being targeted and killed as part of the annihilation of the dominant patriarchal societies in South Sudan. The survivors of this group, who walked barefoot more than a thousand miles across international borders, became known as the “Lost Boys.”

The Lost Boys drew global media attention that engendered political and public support for the peace process in Sudan and ultimately facilitated the resettlement of nearly 4,000 of them in the United States. I was among the group that went to Tucson, Arizona, in June 2001 under the care of the International Rescue Committee. Unlike the Lost Boys of Peter Pan fame, who decided to never grow up, ours is a real story of human tragedy and resilience.

Refugee resilience deserves close attention as the number of displaced people continues to climb globally. Although the combatants are different, violence in South Sudan, the world’s newest country, has returned and more than 2 million people have been displaced by the current conflict. A recent UN Refugee Agency report put the number of forcibly displaced persons at 59.5 million around the world. This means 1 in every 122 people is an internally displaced person, asylum seeker, or refugee. This is an immense tragedy, but as one article puts it, refugees also depict the “maximum example of the human capacity to survive despite the greatest losses and assaults on human identity and dignity.”

Dangerous Escape: The Push Factors

Unlike other immigrants who may be drawn by pull factors to leave their homes, refugees are forced by push factors. The Lost Boys were pushed by the civil war and a well-founded fear of persecution.

There is no place like home and all refugees understand the reality of that. After our exodus in the 1980s, thirst, hunger, wild animals, and exhaustion were daily challenges as we walked in the jungle. Moreover, we faced aerial bombing and ground attacks. In other instances, some were drowned or eaten by crocodiles when crossing flooded rivers.

Arrival in the countries of our asylum, Ethiopia and Kenya, was not necessarily a relief. Living in a refugee camp is like living your whole life in a warehouse. Although the UNHCR provided protection and supplies, we were confined to the camp and everything was rationed and insufficient, from food, water, and health supplies to educational materials.

Beyond the physical challenges, we also faced emotional adversity. We experienced ambiguous loss, which results from “not knowing whether a loved one is dead or alive, absent, or present.” The war separated us from our parents at a time when we needed their support. Some of us were as young as six when we fled. The average duration of separation was about 13 years for some children. I was reunited with the surviving members of my family after almost 10 years apart.

The death of loved ones was the most difficult experience. After living with ambiguous loss for such a long time, the reality of the fate of our parents and siblings began to kick in. There was news about the death of loved ones almost daily. It was easy to know who had lost who because we lived together in a dorm-like structure. We also experienced failed mourning due to time lapses in learning when and how our loved ones died. I lost seven family members, including my father who died after I was reunited with him. As the trauma fell upon us in waves, sometimes acute and sometimes in a slow burn, it was painfully hard to move on.

Resettlement Challenges

Under international law, there are three long-term solutions for refugees: voluntary repatriation to the country of origin, integration into the local community in the country of asylum, or resettlement to a third country. Governments are bound to help refugees achieve one of these ends, and graduation from refugee status occurs when one of the options is executed.

Resettlement was the preferred method for some of the Lost Boys because we had been living in exile for more than a decade. I was one of nearly 4,000 who were accepted into the U.S. Refugee Admission Program. While my move to Arizona in 2001 opened up new opportunities, it also brought new challenges. My colleagues and I experienced culture shock. It was overwhelming for most of us who were raised in rural villages and lived in refugee camps to experience an urban life in America. For example, there was milk on the shelf of every grocery store, but we never saw any cows!

We also had to find jobs, overcome negative stereotypes, and become self-sufficient within 180 days. A host country’s economic conditions and local attitudes toward refugees determine how quickly they attain self-sufficiency. While the United States was hospitable to the Lost Boys, adjustment to the local community is especially difficult during economic downturns because refugees find themselves competing with laid-off locals who often have more education and experience.

Another setback for us was the September 11 terrorist attack, which occurred four months after my arrival. It reminded me of the push factors that led to our dangerous escape from South Sudan. Why and how did this happen in the U.S.? Were the same killers after us here? Would we ever be safe? I pondered these questions during my first day of work at Target as I talked with customers and worried about my friends who were in the air and had their planes diverted to Canada.

With the help of new friends and our well-honed capacities to adapt, most Lost Boys did adjust to life in America. After earning a Bachelor’s degree with honors from the University of Arizona, I moved to Washington, DC, to work. Then I got a Master’s degree from George Mason University. In between, I returned to Kakuma Refugee Camp in Kenya and married my wife whom I subsequently brought to the United States. We kept our promise for six years!

Resilience Factors

The Lost Boys have demonstrated profound strength amidst the horrors of war, death of loved ones, separation from parents, ambiguous loss, physical insecurity, and adjusting to life in a new country. While our individual responses to adversity varied, our experiences were mitigated by some shared coping mechanisms and resilience factors:

• Cultural values and upbringing: In my culture, a boy is raised to be self-reliant from an early age and to endure many hardships while grazing his cattle. I believe these values – bravery, self-reliance, independence, mutual obligation, and endurance – gave us the foundation to cope with the hardships of long internment in the refugee camps and adjustment in America. When I was six years old, my father prophetically advised me, “Be strong-willed, be courageous, never give up, and do not let anything weaken your heart.” His words have been my frame of reference for life and the foundation of my character. Whether I was walking in the desert, sleeping on a dirty floor, or studying for exams on an empty stomach in the camps, I always recalled my father’s wise words and they would strengthen my resolve to move on.

• “Do not let anything weaken your heart”

  Religion and faith: Religious belief creates a sense of purpose and instills optimism. In a study of the Lost Boys, Yale University professor M. Jan Holton frames our faith narrative in three parts: exile, remnants, and redemption. Exiled by war, the remnants who survived the tragic journey were told to look forward to a time when God would redeem their country by bringing peace. In our suffering, we related to the Jews whose biblical account resembled ours. Although the children of Israel were exposed to oppression, tragedy of exodus, horrors of war, wandering in the wilderness, and the loss of loved ones, God did not abandon them. Holton writes that the Lost Boys were “empowered with a sense of purpose and agency that pushes against the helplessness so often felt by victims of war and trauma, and move them toward meaning making.” Our faith in God sustained us by giving us the needed strength to face adversity.

• A community support network: After the war disrupted our childhoods and separated us from our families, we were forced to become our own selves. We coped with this separation by banding together and creating a circumstantial family. We traveled, lived, and ate together as a group in the refugee camps. When we were relocated to America, the resettlement agencies tried to house us together in the same groups to keep our networks intact. In Tucson, I lived with the same people who I knew in the camps and we depended on one another. Having been brought up in a collective culture, this mutual dependence provided a strong support system necessary for our survival.

• A drive for formal education: We were brought up in a pastoralist society that values cattle as our socio-economic currency. Without any cows to cling to in the refugee camps, we embraced formal education. My first English class was under a tree in an Ethiopian refugee camp and my first exam was writing the alphabets in the sand because there were no notebooks. Our leaders instilled the desire for learning in us and we latched on to the promise of a better future. We were called the “seeds of a nation” who would build back a war-torn country. And for those who were resettled in America, our British English lessons in Kenya were a major asset to adjusting here.

What Can We Learn From the Refugee Experience?

Studies have shown that humans generally respond to extreme adversity in three ways. Some sink into depression and post-traumatic stress disorder; most experience some depression or anxiety but eventually bounce back to normal; and a small number actually bounce back even better than they were before the trauma – they experience post-traumatic growth.

While some succumbed to the ordeal of our flight from Sudan and long internment, many of the Lost Boys are in the resilient group and some are certainly in the post-traumatic growth group. For those of us that achieved a “resilience dividend,” we are perhaps not better off, considering the losses endured, but certainly stronger and more prepared to face adversity.

The Lost Boys’ experience demonstrates this resilience paradox: our exposure to hardships helped us become more resilient to later stressors in refugee camps and the United States. Refugee resilience is context-based. Hence, practitioners should be mindful of the culture of refugees and understand their frame of reference when designing programs. For us, we found strength in our cultural values, religion and faith, an ad hoc community of “brothers,” and a drive to learn and lead our country into the future.

Recognizing these unique strengths can lead to refugees being perceived as effective agents of change and sources of inspiration, rather than just victims. While stories of suffering have been used to generate resources for displaced people, it is perhaps time for academia and practitioners to rethink that narrative and explore the opposite end of the spectrum. Refugee resilience could be an important concept to explore as policymakers and practitioners work to address the growing number of displaced people around the world.